May: Centipals: Into the Centibaeology; also starring pool parties and Bradley Whitford's eyebrows
Dear Kelsey,
I guess we hadn't been public enough about the existence of this newsletter, because we now have LOTS of new subscribers!! I love that people enjoy our shenanigans as much as we do!!!!
As you well know, Beyoncé herself has blessed us since our last newsletter with the magic we now casually refer to as "Homecoming." Beyoncé has always been worthy of awe, but I respect her so much after seeing up close her commitment to quality and how much she loves what she does. She is KILLING IT and whenever we of the USA decide to give up our failed attempt at democracy, it's nice to know we have a solid choice for the start of an American monarchy.
About a week later, our favorite basic ass tater tot Taylor Swift released the beginnings of her upcoming album along with a video of her performance at the Billboard Music Awards, which many have commented on due to the—ahem—*SIMILARITIES* between Taylor's Billboard intro and Beyoncé's Coachella performance.
What the FUUUUUUUCK, TAYLOR?!?!?! Have you no creativity? No decency????? Did you really think none of us would notice or care? I have never been a diehard Swift fan but after the last few years I have peaced the fuck out. She will continue to make billions off of the White Woman Victim Industrial Complex and I will continue to rage about it in this newsletter.
My friend A'Driane Nieves said it best:
Taylor Swift is the literal face of White Feminism—a topic we will return to later in this letter! Let's get started!!
We picked so many shows/movies for this letter that I have Big Feels about so BUCKLE UP.
I had no idea Hulu was making a TV show based on Lindy West's memoir until Twitter exploded after its release, but as soon as I first read about Shrill I knew it was going to be urgent watch material. If our PenPals brand were to be embodied in the form of one TV show of our choice, Shrill might be as close as it gets.
It's the little things, really. The way I took mental notes about every single outfit Annie (Aidy Bryant) wears because I thought they might look good on me. The sheer delight and raw emotion I felt looking at my screen and seeing a body that looked so much more like mine than the ones they usually show on TV.
Much has been written about Episode 4, "Pool," and for good reason—this episode is clearly a gamechanger. To the audience, this episode is the first time Annie lets go and lets herself experience uninhibited joy. As Ariana Grande's "One Last Time" plays, Aidy Bryant gives us her best performance of the season as she starts to move—first slowly, and then throwing her limbs in every direction with the sheer delight of the feeling. It is deeply moving to watch. It feels so radical to us to watch fat bodies simply exist—no sucking in stomachs or shoulders hunched—because fat bodies are rarely celebrated or honored so publicly. I ached for the yearning of it, watching her dance. How I yearn to feel unselfconscious in my body. This moment was so striking to me that I laid awake thinking about it the night after the first time I watched this episode. This sort of thing is why representation matters—some stories can only be told by some people.
(I am NOT crying again watching this gif, NOT AT ALL)
In comparison, Shrill makes Sierra Burgess is a Loser look like a knockoff Sierra Mist (which is already a knockoff of Sprite, FYI). SBIAL is your annoying thin friend who is really into "body positivity." I yelled for almost a full 20 minutes after the first time I saw this movie. I am Tyra Banks screaming, "I was rooting for you! We were all rooting for you!" about this movie.
There is no good excuse for this movie to be so bad. Shannon Purser is a delight. Noah Centineo is a motherfucking steamboat (I'm typing on my phone which autocorrected dreamboat to steamboat and I am KEEPING IT), which I will say more on shortly. This movie had everything going for it except the writing. This entire plot is a dumpster fire. Different from The Perfect Date (2019) which was just "meh" in every way, the dialogue for SBIAL actually isn't bad! The plot just didn't age well from 1897. Making a movie out of "what if we turned Cyrano de Bergerac into a fat girl?" IS NOT GOING TO WORK IN THE YEAR OF OUR LADY LIZZO 2018! Not to mention that Sierra Burgess is, in fact, just a terrible person.
(I'm sorry too, Sierra)
I digress. The real purpose of discussing SBIAL is to talk about the one and only beloved Noah Centineo, AKA Jamey AKA Brooks Rattigan AKA our beloved Peter Kavinsky.
The good news about Noah Centineo is that his role as Peter Kavinsky will be REPRISING ITSELF in the To All the Boys I've Loved Before Netflix sequel in 2020!! *Squeal* The first movie was perfect in almost every way and I can't wait to see how they follow it up.
The less-good news is that we still don't know if Noah has an real acting talent. Sierra Burgess and The Perfect Date (his latest movie, which released in April) were so mediocre that either Noah's acting was challenged so little or the demands of making a bad script good were so high that I didn't get a good sense for Noah's actual skillset.
Is To All the Boys the clearest display of Noah's talent, or the exception? At the very least he needs a better agent to keep him from featuring in this shit movies.
I am in full agreement on this, though: Peter Kavinsky is bae. Peter was my ideal boyfriend at 17—popular but not pretentious, fun but not shallow, nice to your parents but not a kiss-ass, 3/4 Good Boy™ with a splash of mischief.
Peter Kavinsky captured the collective imagination of women everywhere, and for good reason. So many of our male romantic interests in romcoms are archetypes of masculinity rather than actual personalities. (The worst thing about feminism is how obnoxiously boring so many romcoms have become for me.) But Peter feels like a real person—more human than most of our heroes. Peter struggles with grief in ways that manage to avoid stereotypes about angsty teens yet remains full and sincere. He has moments of vulnerability, but Lara Jean is so wrapped up in her inner world that she barely manages to recognize them.
So many of us settled for shitty boys in high school! It feels so good to not watch that cycle repeat itself. In Peter, we have the wizened opportunity to choose differently now that we know better. In Peter, LJ is not settling—she is taking a step toward growth. To All the Boys I've Loved Before allows us to relive the nostalgia of high school while making better choices.
The Perfect Date tried so hard to emulate this, but somehow fell so short. TPD might be the most average romcom to ever exist in the history of teen romcoms: it's not hopelessly problematic like SBIAL, but lacks all the chemistry and effortless insight of To All the Boys. (Vox wrote an excellent review of TPD that I highly recommend!) Noah stars as the lead, meaning that he's onscreen for most of the movie, but it's kind of anticlimactic? The thirst we feel so deeply for Peter K is suffocated in Brooks. I most enjoyed Brooks' character arc, which involves some rejection and growth that I recognize as a good-faith attempt at depth. Noah is, by far, the strongest part of this movie, which is to his credit but still does not make it worth 90 minutes of your time.
(Me, about this movie.)
Enough about the movies though, let's talk about Noah himself before I move on to Handmaid's Tale. I think part of what makes Noah Centineo so magical in his role as Peter Kavinsky is the sort of shy vulnerability he brings to his role—a "you don't know you're beautiful" a la One Direction kind of energy. Noah's acting seemed so effortless that it hardly seemed like acting at all—the exact sort of performance we love from attractive actors. We want to believe that Noah is Peter. We idealize his lack of awareness about his perfection because it lacks a type of self-centered ego that we find in most men (even the shy ones). However, this kind of unassuming bashfulness is hard to keep alive in the furnace of public thirst. It would be deeply ironic if our communal response of adoration is what kills the very thing we treasure so much.
Noah Centineo was the heartthrob of 2018—whether he's a One Hit Wonder™ or something more is TBD—and when we someday read a Buzzfeed recap of the 2010s, I am sure he will appear on this list.
I will now end this section with a collection of Thirst Gifs, which I feel a lil gross about because he's only 22 but I'm only 24 so whatever it's not weird okay????
*Wipes sweat from forehead*
Okay. Handmaid's Tale. When we started this newsletter, I knew in my gut that we'd have to talk about this show. (We're feminist women writing about television—we HAVE to talk about Handmaid's Tale.) I read the book the show is ~loosely~ based off of in 2017 in anticipation of the release of the first season. After reading the book, I immediately understood its popularity: It belongs with 1984 on the list of must-read political dystopian commentaries. In fact, I would argue it's a better book than 1984, because it offers more insightful observations on how gender and race are approached in a dystopian context, which 1984 all but ignored.
I'm not going to pull any punches: I don't like the Hulu adaptation. The TV show feels more like White Woman Scare Porn™ than the complicated reflections on women's approaches to feminism and the creation of Gilead as a fear-mongering response to the decrease in the birth rates among white Americans--which is what Margaret Atwood intended. The TV show takes a "colorblind" approach of allowing the handmaids to be any race (in the book, they could only be white) as well as the Marthas (only Black in the book), which creates a sort of "all women are oppressed equally" vibe in Gilead that feels so White Feminism that I find it disorienting. Erasing racial inequality in dystopia in order to send a message about gender inequality is just.....not how injustice works? Have the writers never heard of *~intersectionality~*?
The tone-deafness while trying to raise the horror value is in keeping with the tone of the whole show in a way. They really work to drive home how horrible these conditions are for the women who live in them, but doing so often show some traumatizing moments onscreen that could be deeply triggering for viewers: suicide attempts, sexual assaults, even a traumatizing moment from S1 involving genital mutilation. Not all violence on TV is fundamentally gratuitous, but this feels like toeing the line. Is turning some of the greatest horrors women *still* face globally into dystopian entertainment for American women irresponsible, or relatable? I'm not really sure.
The show does have some bright moments. Serena Joy gets far more attention in the show than she did in the book (maybe because we understand her better in 2019 than we did in 1985). In fact, Yvonne Strahovski's performance as Serena Joy was probably my favorite of S2. How very 2019 to have a white woman aid a group of white men in overtaking American society, toppling democracy, and then be shocked to discover that she will never have a full and unequivocal seat at the table!
Honestly there's so much happening in this show. I could probably write 3 more pages, but for the sake of everyone reading this I will not. Instead, I'm going to talk about Bradley Whitford!
Someday I will tell you ALL about my fascination with Bradley's career trajectory, but since we're writing about Handmaid's Tale and not Bradley Whitford I'll just say this: I was very REASONABLY aroused by his performance on S2, given my well-documented attraction to silver foxes and the fact that they had the nerve to give him THAT beard and THOSE glasses!
Bradley Whitford's character, Commander Lawrence, is your creepy psych professor who tells you all about how much he admires women but he secretly thought Hillary was "unelectable." The one who wants you to know how much he believed in the Civil Rights Movement but thinks Black Lives Matter is "overreacting." (...am I just describing Bernie Sanders?) Commander Lawrence thinks by refusing to rape his handmaid and (*SPOILER*) driving her to the underground railroad (*END SPOILER*) that he is somehow making up for the fact that he designed a government regime that legislated HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF MEN to be *required* *BY LAW* to rape a woman at least once a month. You fucking CREATED the institution Joseph! You can't just make up for it by becoming a radical Uber driver!!!!
Season 3 is coming out in June, which I can barely muster up any enthusiasm about. Watching shows that pimp women's trauma for entertainment? In this economy? Living in the Golden Era of television means that I get to choose between lots of excellent art to enjoy in my free time, and S3 is just not going to be very high on that list. It is what it is.
Here's to less drudgery, snow, and white feminism in your May,
Hannah
Dear Hannah,
As someone who recently [FINALLY] finished watching LOST for the first time, and who is gleefully "watching" Game of Thrones exclusively through the Twitter timeline on Sunday nights, I've been thinking a lot lately about TV that acts as a big cultural touchstone. Obviously there are a lot of factors that go into what's considered "universal," but I mostly enjoy how certain shows bring a lot of people together, even if I'm not those people. I'm bummed that I didn't watch LOST when it was airing, and it's an exciting feeling when there's a specific show buzzing in the air.
(yes, okay, my attraction to Sawyer was a surprise to no one LET'S MOVE ON SHALL WE.)
That being said, to anyone currently on dating apps: PICK A SHOW THAT'S NOT THE OFFICE. LITERALLY ANY OTHER SHOW. Look, I like The Office...enough. I guess? I'm starting to kind of hate it! Hearing that you like The Office tells me NOTHING about you. Even wildly popular currently airing shows tells me a little something about what you prioritize in a chockful TV landscape. But The Office has been steaming on Netflix 5ever and has so saturated ~the culture~ that if I see it on one more app profile I will dive into an ocean of printer paper and never come out.
Also, a tip to the men seeking women out there: being into shows starring and/or created by women goes A HELLUVA LONG WAY. And you know what a good place to start would be??
SHRILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was very, very excited about this show, to the extent that I wasn't even worried that it wouldn't live up to my hopes. Lindy West's writing exists at the cross-section of "thoughtful" and "hilarious" that delights me most, and during production (which I closely tracked on West's Instagram) I found out that Samantha Irby was also involved and my expectations went THROUGH THE ROOF. If you haven't read any of Irby's work [she wrote the STAND OUT episode "Pool"] you've got SO MUCH GOODNESS AHEAD OF YOU. [Here are links to her blog, and to her books Meaty and We Are never Meeting in Real Life.]
You've written PERFECTLY about the power of Annie enjoying and celebrating her body in "Pool," so I'll write about another big moment from the show that has stuck in my mind. In the episode directly before "Pool," Annie is in an awkward crosswalk stand-off with a car, played for laughs until a gorgeous woman in a red jumpsuit crosses confidently, with a breezy assertiveness that leaves Annie stunned. She follows the woman for several blocks, mesmerized by seeing a woman in a body similar to her own moving through the world in a way that the world keeps telling Annie is inaccessible unless she loses weight.
The show is structured brilliantly, with Aidy Bryant's character at the center but firmly situated in a web of relationships, each with depth and complexity. In the first couple of episodes you see her working hard not to roll her eyes when a crossfit instructor offers her unsolicited advice at a coffee shop, to deflect her mom's dietary exhortations with a lighthearted joke and be strong for her ill father, to believe in herself like her best friend Fran [every moment Lolly Adefope was on screen was a gift to humanity], not to push the guy she's sleeping with for more [described by Margaret H. Willison on a Pop Culture Happy Hour episode as "the most fatal type of straight man...absolute garbage, but without a hint of maliciousness"], to be ambitious in her workplace without crossing a line.
And sometimes...it just takes a complete stranger to show us a truth or possibility about ourselves that breaks through all of the "okay, buts..." we face in our relationships. Which doesn't negate the meaning those relationships have in our life! The show is not interested in saying "once you get some confidence, your life is FIXED!" As the series blooms and Annie starts to care for herself in new ways, the show begins to explore the messiness of human relationships of all kinds, especially during times of growth.
My one complaint is that the final episode of this incredibly short first season [damnéd SNL filming schedule!!!] didn't quite have the time to do what it set out to do, but the good news is that it was renewed for a second season so we'll get more of the warm heart, slammin' dance parties, and sizzling writing of these first episodes!!
(reader, I SCREECHED with laughter!!)
Speaking of men who should know better...The Handmaid's Tale.
Okay so. *cracks knuckles* I also read the book in preparation for the TV show, and it thoroughly fucked me up. I did get swept up in the stylistic spectacle of the first couple episodes of season 1, but this show slipped into self-indulgence at RECORD-SPEED, even when judged against other self-important prestige streaming shows that want you to know "WE HAVE SO MUCH MONEY. WE HAVE ALL THE MONEY. ARE WE CAUGHT UP TO HBO YET??? IT'S FINE. WE'RE NOT WORRIED ABOUT IT. WHY? DID HBO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU??"?
(Hulu looking at viewership numbers for Game of Thrones probably. also I cackled more than once at your description of Bradley Whitford's role.)
Not only does it hopelessly overuse everything that made it stylistically interesting [those costume designers! they gave us so much and they've been so betrayed!!], it seems to fundamentally misunderstand its source material and what makes it powerful. As I was writing this, Hulu released a new season 3 trailer, which really confirms that in the third season this show will be soaring to new heights of extra-ness. And "extremely missing the point of the book"-ness. You are spot-on in talking about how the show's decision to erase the major component that racism played in the creation of Gilead undermines the entire adaptation, as well as the way the increasingly extreme portrayals of violence seem more likely to traumatize their viewers rather than prompt genuine reflection about gendered violence now and throughout history. One of the most enduring lines from the story is Aunt Lydia saying "Ordinary is just what you're used to." It's abundantly clear in the book that one of the strategies of Gilead is to create a baseline of acceptable violence that becomes unquestionably normalized, and continually jerking the TV audience to greater heights of horror does! not! accomplish! that! [I recognize my verb choice there and you know what, I stand by it.]
Like I've said before, I know next to nothing about acting, but I'm told Elisabeth Moss is giving a great performance, and I'm mostly convinced, but narratively this show keeps trying to shove her into becoming a linchpin of ~revolution~ which runs contrary to her character's role in the novel as an "everywoman" simply trying to survive. The book's epilogue (which there are many articles on) is narrated by a male academic far in the future, who describes Gilead as lasting much longer than a few years and who is clearly annoyed by and condescending about June's lack of revolutionary or intel-gathering tendencies. Many believe it's the epilogue that truly gives the book its lasting impact, as we see the male gaze turned upon what we had believed was a woman-controlled narrative. [Which is EXTRA interesting considering that the showrunner of the Hulu adaptation is also a man...]
The only way I could have seen this show working is if it had taken the focus off of June after season one, particularly since there's so much fantastic acting talent on this show. Yvonne Strahovski is giving it her all and, as you excellently described, there's so much to explore in her arc, but the show isn't taking the time to really unpack those implications, I assume due to how in love they are with slow-mo. [And also not thinking critically about the source material.]
(jfc these episodes could be SO MUCH SHORTER)
Plus you've got SAMIRA FRICKEN WILEY but you're not gonna do more than have her around for much more than June to occasionally inspire/be sad about?? Stop! Spending! Money! On! "Poignant"! Needle drops! And! Just! Pay! Her! To! Be! In! More! Episodes!!!!
I would also like to give a special shout out to Alexis Bledel, who continues to give a SHOCKINGLY good performance on this show?? When I saw her in S1 promos I couldn't figure out why in the Doose's market anyone involved would make this casting choice. But she kind of...kills it? She's actually one of the EXTREMELY RARE examples of a compelling element in this show that does not get overused like ketchup on a Midwestern child's chicken nuggets. (It's me. I'm the Midwestern child.) Also, UNLIKE JUNE, she actually knows how to seize her moment??? [THAT BITCH IS ALWAYS DAWDLING.] Also you're going to wait until the LAST EPISODE OF SEASON 2 to tell us about this secret network of Marthas doing the ACTUAL WORK of getting people out of Gilead?? Kay.
I had thought for awhile that I might tune in for Season 3, just because sometimes I like to be mad, but then I found out that the original Veronica Mars episodes are coming to Hulu in anticipation of the new limited series so honestly WHO HAS THE TIME.
I'll end this segment with a comparison that came to me in the early morning when I was sitting in the dark half-awake waiting for my coffee to finish brewing: Alias Grace, another recent adaptation of a Margaret Atwood book, is the "Sadder But Wiser Girl" from The Music Man. And then I laughed hysterically.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Y1l2rpbt18
A of all, Alias Grace KNEW WHAT IT WAS ABOUT and told its whole story in 6 crisp episodes and then got the hell out! thank u, Canada!!
B of all, Zachary Levi (need I say more)
C of all, it's much less a string of "rah rah girl power fuck the patriarchy" moments and much more a contemplative, ambiguous narrative about violence, lack of choices, and power. And though sexual violence is definitely wrapped into that [the show definitely warrants a trigger warning], the violence itself is much less explicit and the show is less interested in shocking its viewers and more interested in exploring the implications of surviving not just the violence itself but a life in which it's a constant threat. There's a monologue in the first episode that describes the bed as being historically a site of violence for women that has STUCK WITH ME and anyway it's a very good show.
Okay, moving on to a jazzier topic for the wrap-up...the Centibaeology!!!
My thesis statement is basically this tweet from Bolu Babalola:
Even though when we discussed this topic we agreed that I wouldn't have to watch Sierra Burgess is a Loser, it still makes me ONE THOUSAND PERCENT UNCOMFORTABLE to not have done the reading, but I will try to make up for it by having read the first two books in the To All the Boys trilogy...more than once. [The third one is just fine, but Kitty DOES shine it it!] The books are not the point right now, other than to say I felt nervous going into the movie because I didn't know if they'd be able to capture that perfect "jock hunk but make it gentle" energy of book Peter K.
[just a little snapshot of where I'M at personally]
We have all had a crush on a Peter K [and if you haven't...I've probably had enough for all of us, though in retrospect none of them TRULY measure up to the Peter K standard of Goodness.] You do a fantastic job of laying out what makes Peter K so appealing, and I think the movie made some wise choices in terms of characterization by leaning into the gentle and vulnerable aspects of Peter K where a less thoughtful film would have leaned into his smirkiness and bravado in a way that really would have struck out for us right now. Looking honestly at myself, I was nervous that seeming some of the worrisome elements of My Type™ on screen would give me the cringes, while also reinforcing the monster vortex in my heart that craves a snarky jock man.
BUT ALONG CAME NOAH CENTI-BAO, melting all of our innards with his fast-talking, popcorn-moving shenanigans!! You already used this gif, but it's worth a second go because WOW.
The movie also works because of Lana Condor's Lara Jean, who feels so specifically and lovingly crafted. She has a sense of humor that doesn't feel copy-pasted from a Disney Channel Original Movie [*cough The Perfect Date cough*], an aesthetic carefully informed by her interests and influences, and the movie gives real dignity to her feelings, rather than ridiculing her crushes or the way she deals with them. It's thanks to her that the movie captures the rush and butterflies of having a crush, and makes real meaning out of the oft-used fake relationship trope.
To be clear, I am ALWAYS a sucker for the fake relationship trope, but TATBILB uses it to its full power by bringing together two people who start their scheme in an effort to avoid vulnerability but by proxy of the scheme learn how to be vulnerable with each other (and often other people in their lives). Peter and Lara Jean take risks with each other—introducing family members, that ADORABLE CAFETERIA TWIRL—that they might have felt too self-conscious or nervous about if it had started as "real," and through those risks they learn more about who the other person really is.
All this to say, To All the Boys I've Loved Before:
Speaking of second-best in the Centibaeology (I will NEVER give up on this term!!!!), The Perfect Date. Honestly there's not even that much TO say about this movie, other than that it was only barely even about the premise it set?? And that that premise was largely based around characters being icked out by sex workers, which I was strongly Not A Fan of?? I mean, a of all, you will NEVER convince me to root for a guy who convinces the girl he's on a date with to go to a school dance rather than a bookstore. And b of all, as for his ultimate love interest OmbreHead McGee...her motivation was so contrived?? I was shouting at the TV screen for basically all of their first "date" in which she was being grumpy about going to a dance with someone her parents paid: "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS. NO ONE IS ACTUALLY MAKING YOU DO THIS. YOU'RE WORSE AT ESCAPING THAN JUNE."
I'll say this for the movie: it really knew how to weaponize rolled up sleeves. You know what I mean.
(Ha, what? Me? Shoehorn in a reason to use a Chris Evans picture?? Nope, wrong number!)
But the power of sleeves and Noah Centineo's dance moves was not enough to combat even this one shot of John Corbett sitting on the stairs with a glass of white wine:
(and you'll notice!! also with the rolled up sleeves!!)
Here's to powerful forearms, joyful pool parties, and say no to slow-mo,