July 2020 Preview: Breaking news! Breaking Dawn!!!!!!!
Okay is it really breaking news if we decided this a week ago and are just now getting around to setting it down in public writing? Whatever!
This month we’re taking a turn for the silly, and have decided to dive deep into……..The Twilight Saga.
gif: Edward Cullen holding onto a tree and saying “You better hold on tight spider monkey.” to Bella, who is on his back.
It all started when Hannah texted Kelsey, “I’m in the mood to watch some real trash. Want to watch Twilight with me” and since then we have been live-texting the movies to each other, which has yielded some absolutely PRICELESS MOMENTS.
image: screenshot of texts between Hannah (grey) and Kelsey (blue). Hannah: “Do Robert and Kristin have chemistry? I’m very unsure.” Kelsey: “I think……in a way……yes? Somehow their mutual reluctance to be there becomes….a current….of…..something ?”
image: screenshot of texts between Hannah (grey) and Kelsey (blue). Kelsey: “That ring looks like an egg.” Hannah: “Genuinely impressive that he does that successfully.” Kelsey: “not necessarily in a bad way. but when’s it gonna hatch” Hannah: “Hatch with more diamond egg babies”
image: screenshot of texts between Hannah (grey) and Kelsey (blue). Hannah: “Lol. Bella’s only career aspiration: vampire trophy wife” Kelsey: “THE MOST RELATABLE SHE HAS EVER BEEN TO ME!!!”
There is, and we may not have ever meant this quite so emphatically, a lot to unpack here, from the truly bonkers way the series depicts romance and sex, to the deep and unrecognized Goodness of Bella’s dad, to the horrific way the books and movies depict indigenous people and cultures, to the absolutely baffling vampire “science.”
gif: Edward Cullen saying “You are my life now” to Bella.
There’ll be reminiscing, there’ll be lots of dunks, there’ll be wonderment at how Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson managed to scrape out of this with careers not solely defined by the franchise, and of course many many gifs.
All the Twilight movies are available on Amazon Prime, and for rental on other platforms (and your library probably has them if your library is open right now and it’s safe to go there [questionable])
See you soon! (But not if we see you first!) (Which makes just about as much sense as these movies.)
gif: Edward Cullen saying “See you later!”
Hannah & Kels
image: Edward Cullen holding onto a tree and saying “You better hold on tight spider monkey.” to Bella, who is on his back.
(wanted to use this as the preview image but the first gif wasn’t a big enough image and it’s a FRIDAY, okay!)